loves me

Everyday is a shattering
a smattering of petals ripped
from dozens of long stems your former lovers never gave you,
your fingers mindlessly meditating on a childhood mantra,
and now the air is thick with pollen
and bees droning at their targets, missing their guides,
and around you the colors make all the suffering seem worth it,
and you sneeze

before I wasted my youth he gave me tulips in a blue glass
made for sipping, for morning routines, for water enemas,
and those flowers draped over the walls of their new home
like the limbs of a gangly teenager, wilting despite
their sprightliness
and I flashed him dimples he'll never forget

when my beauty was seeping away
I delivered a morning bouquet of tacky carnations and daisies
to a brunette whose smile I'll never forget

to receive is human
to give is to be God

I wanted you to be different
I wanted you to make me God